YESSS. I'm not sure how long I'll be back tho. I have a loooot of things to post about but.. damn too lazy (and actually quite busy). But what it all comes down to is...life is cruel and fucking bittersweet.

So what happened during the great hiatus of mine?
- Remember that guy I blogged about before? The classmate who I thought was Mr. Right Guy? Yeah....um... he got married in November last year. I don't care anymore. I ended up hating him for a while because of some trivial things lol. Anyway, I saw photos of their wedding, they looked happy. That just makes me hate him more. Oh no, don't get me wrong. I don't hate him because he got married. Like I said, I don't care. I don't even understand why I hate him. LOL.

- I joined this awesome student group in university and joining turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made in my life.
- ....despite the fact that I'm killing myself with all the responsibilities that comes with joining this group.
- But filled with good-looking guys so.. that makes up for it I guess. HEEHEEHEEHEE.

- For a brief moment, I had a crush with this friend who likes this other friend of ours and I helped him out in getting this other friend but he turned out to be an asshole and she turned out to be a hypocrite. Their relationship didn't end up well. Damn, I got lucky.

- I applied to become part of the executive board of this student group but sadly, I didn't get a position in the board.
- I ended up becoming president of an organising team for two state-wide events, however. It was a blessing in disguise!
- And now I like this guy......and he's awesome. He can be an asshole, but he's awesome. That makes sense.
- I'm bored.. but busy.
- I'm seriously fucking lost.

- Spent Australia Day on a road trip to Newcastle. I didn't drive but... so tiring ;A; Sitting in a car for hours is tiring.
- Watched Australian Open...AND DJOKOVIC WON against Rafael Nadal. FUCK YEAH!

- I'm feeling very...very stressed.

I don't know what else to say.

THE END.

Yeah.. Thursdays have been okay. I ended up not dropping the unit after all.. due to other real life stuff. It's fun when he sits next to you in class. The conversations are always random...and I get to know more about him.

He's cool, he's nice, he's funny, he's sweet, he's cheesy, he's mean. But hey, I'm mean too..so I guess that works out just fine. He could've been my right guy but sadly...he's not mine. He will never be mine. I just hope we'll be good friends at least. It's better than nothing.

I might blog more often now....maybe.

Anyway, Thursday is supposed to be my lucky day. It had been for a couple of years. Although today isn't entirely unlucky. I guess I just feel so depressed right now.

So I met with Arielle before going to my first lecture of the day. We had a bit of fun...looking for 'baby' foods because she had problems with her teeth.. I'm not exactly sure what it was though.. something about.. molars? Then I begged her to attend one of my lectures. Of course she wouldn't have understood any of it because it was a third year course. And we don't even have the same major. Not that we care.

I begged her because a certain someone was in the same class. I don't know. I think I'm just scared...and I don't even know why I'm scared. While in class we 'doodled' on her notebook. I'm not going to say what we doodled but all I can say.. I think my palm's going to get a bruise because of too much biting. I had to bite it to prevent myself from laughing and making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

It's just sad that he didn't even bother to talk to me. During the whole lecture, I was so distracted that I almost drowned out my lecturer and it's sad that he didn't even say hi. Even after the lecture. He just got his things and left. My heart sank. I expected he'd at least look up and nod in my direction. But then.. who am I? I'm no one. I'm a nobody to him. Or even if I am something, it's nothing more than being a classmate and his previous groupmate. I hate expecting things like this. But I can't help it.

Then I let Arielle finish her lunch before we went to the library in search for an iPhone charger because she got bored in my 2 hour class and played CoD instead. I saw him again at the entrance and he almost ignored me. He told me he's in a rush. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt on this one. He did stop for a while which made me happy at least...then we said our quick hellos and he told me he'd just see me in class. That's when I told him I'd drop the class because I need to do something else... I'm not sure if his reaction was him being sarcastic or...whatever. Let's just say I didn't quite like it.

Then it dawned on me. I am going to drop the class....and I don't know when I'd ever see him again. Or if I'll ever see him again. I don't fucking care what you think, I don't care if you judge me, I don't care if I sound shallow or not, but it hurts. It hurts to know that I might not be able to see him again. It hurts to lose something I've never even gotten my hands on. It hurts to lose something I can never ever have.

I tried to ignore it by 'helping' Arielle look for a charger... when we couldn't find one in the library, we went to the "geek" block where we talked about several random things....when she finally found someone who had a charger and actually lent it to her, we used one of the computers there and watched a couple of gameplays of video games on youtube.. and had fun watching Amnesia reactions. These really helped... but the thought of him just kept entering my mind..and I hate it.

Because she had a class after that and I didn't, I went to the city to return some books to the public library and tried to go shopping to get me distracted, at least.. But I guess I'm just too depressed to buy something. I'm pretty surprised with myself... shopping has been one of the things that make up for when I'm sad.

It totally didn't help that my class that night was pretty boring.. and awkward..considering a bunch of first years are doing that same unit.

*sigh* I need to get over with this stupidity soon if I want to move on with life. I really want to. Brain agrees to it. Heart doesn't seem to want to give up yet.

Fuck life. It's just too damn cruel.

I thought it was going to be a dreadful day. First class of the week happens to be the class of this really scary (but awesomely funny and amusing at the same time) lecturer who gave me a really hard time in his other unit that I took last year. Normally I’d be okay with being late for a class but his class is different. He’s just… scary.

Anyway, I didn’t plan to be late. I mean. It is my first day back in uni, it’ll be awkward. Buuuut…as usual, I was late. D: And because I was late, I took the train, because it takes only 30 minutes to get to the city instead of an hour bus ride.

Outside I may look calm and reserved.. but on the inside, I was panicking like hell. I just know my lecturer would probably make fun of me for being late. He does that. :\ But then, a cute guy sat next.. well not really next to me because.. it was one of those four seaters (2 and 2 facing each other). Anyway, he sat opposite me. He’s tall, cute and best of all.. HE’S GOT GLASSES. Yeah, I sort of have this glasses fetish. :| So anyway, he was fidgeting and trying to fan himself…which was pretty weird because the train has AC and it was pretty cool inside… I wasn’t sure if I should’ve talked to him or not.. Now that I think about it.. I should have.

I’m not going to talk about what happened in class tho, it was the same as usual. Though it ended early and we didn’t have a tutorial for today so I went to my mum’s office for a free ride home.

On the way to her office, it was really hot btw, I met this really nice guy. I have a tendency to think out loud.. well not really loud.. and said to myself.. “it’s hot”. I’m not sure if he might’ve heard wrong or he just wanted to have a chat but he said, “Look, I pressed the button to cross the street, it should light up the moment I pressed it, but it didn’t!” And.. I thought he was funny. :| Shoot me.

So while we walked, we talked about random things like the hot weather, where I’m off to, what I’m doing in uni and why, and that he does acting lessons and that it’s really hard, how he quit his job because it’s pretty fucked up and people there are just shit, where I live and if it was affected by the flooding and such. He was really nice and easy to talk to. I didn’t get his name though, shame. But I did get to shake his hand lol. I’m not sure if I’ll ever meet him again, though it would be really nice if I did.

*Sigh* Occasions like these happen to me all the time. I meet awesome people I’m sure would be awesome friends…but I only get to talk to them for a brief moment.. and they’re gone forever. They make my day, however. But it still sucks, right?

Well when was the last time I ever updated my LJ? I'm totally blaming uni and life in general.

I'm still aliiiiive!

I'm so over long-haired dude now. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes, people. XD I still love the hair but.. heh. I like someone else now ;) ;) LOL I KID. But seriously, I don't wanna stalk him now as much as I used to. Besides, stalking skills have been failing me miserably recently. D:

And yes, I do like someone. He's a groupmate. And he's YEARS older. Not that I care. ;) He's not supposed to be my type but.. IDK, I just like him. :) And I just realised I really don't like -like- guys with abs. XD He's sooooo squishable! I wanna bear hug him so bad and bit his arms!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. This semester is so bittersweet. It's been an emotional roller coaster. There would be times I'd find myself in a state of bliss and sometimes it's just so depressing. XD I'm weird for saying this but, I don't want this semester to end. LOL I'm probably gonna go crazy after this. So far I've been lucky I guess. But not that lucky. :|

This person I like and I had a bit of a weird talk last night after our group meeting and we're the only ones left. I found out things about him that really depressed me. What's his life like before his current degree and that he already has a girlfriend. It's as if someone dropped a bombshell. I really like him. It may sound like your typical infatuation but...I really do like him. D:

He also got me thinking about my life and I don't know what I'm doing with it. I've been moving with the flow too much. I've been hasty with my decisions and I never actually put too much thought to it as much as I should. But so far, they turned out pretty good. I thought I was gonna regret all those. It's not so bad now I guess. :) Just realised how blessed I actually am. I thought I had it bad, but like I said, I've been lucky. It's as if I'm being spoonfed by life and that everything's going according to plan, even if I don't know half of that plan. I should really make the most out of it tho. Aim higher, don't look back and take advantage of what you have.

I'm still very depressed I guess. I need to go out for a while, otherwise, I won't be able to do any work today.

Enough with the drama. 8D Did I sound so wise? LOLOLOLOL I mostly sounded 45 I think.

I can't go to conventions! SO TERRIBLE! D8< I guess it's a good thing. Oh and I met new awesome frieeeends and other awesome people.

Groupworks are not so bad after all. You just have to be with the right people I guess. XD I still don't like one of my groupmates.. I hate him so muuuuch.

So what else... oh um.. my dad gave me his old dslr, it's a 400D. LOL Coz he bought a new one. XD I probably won't have any time to take pictures anyway and it's not that I'm good at it. XD

I don't know what else to talk about. LOL

I just got back to uni this week. Woe to us all.

Yesterday was really hot, as usual. I was wearing jeans so yeah.. it adds to the heat. D8 Like.. eww I was sweating. (Okay you really didn't need to know that.. o_o) So I tried to not think about the heat and thought of lots and lots of snow and how I wanted to watch Winter Olypmics so bad (and that I plan to go the 2014 one no matter how bloody expensive it is and how it will totally kill my wallet) instead.

And then, while waiting for the bus to arrive yesterday afternoon and being busy in my own little fantasy, I saw this lady.. who was wearing FULL WINTER OUTFIT. Which got me into thinking if I'm really in Australia...and made me wonder if thinking too much about the Winter Olympics actually brought me to Canada... O_O

She was wearing jeans with boots, thick wool coat, and a wool cap... as if that wasn't hot enough..she was wearing a scarf.. and wool gloves! What the hell was that all about? IT'S NOT EVEN AUTUMN YET. Not to mention the bus we rode didn't have air conditioning.

That's just crazy! D8 I would understand (probably) if she's sick or something..but.. she doesn't look sick at all. In fact she looks very healthy. .___.

Lol she was in front of me.. and yes of course I kept fanning myself. It was friggin hot. D8 and just looking at her felt like it got even hotter. D8< Demn.

Anyway.. I should go back to reading this uh..booklet called Your Keys to driving in Queensland lol yeah yeah... I haven't gotten my driver's licence yet. Shoo! XD

*warning: curse words flying everywhere in this journal*
Don't say I didn't warn you....>_>

Anyway.. Yesterday was just awful... Well at least not until sunrise. 8D I was up till 5am *shush* reading this manhwa called Totally Captivated by Hajin Yoo. Please tell me I'm not the only one in love with it? *u* I'm totally recommending it for those who don't know what it is. I think it's Yaoi 16+ XD. I couldn't stop reading it.. ;A; I was just...totally..captivated by it. *SHOT FOR BAD PUN*

So...since I slept at 5am and woke up around 8am... I was too lazy to attend my guitar lesson...geez.. I couldn't skip it..plus I get extremely grumpy if I don't have enough sleep. ;A; I was too friggin tired to even eat breakfast so I ended up not eating even one bite. I felt worse when my mum said we'd go to some fucking zoo. I HATE ZOOS. It's not that I hate animals..I just don't like the going to zoos. It irritates me..I don't appreciate it..not at all. I'd enjoy going to some war museum than to zoos. ;A;

We had to do some grocery shopping before heading there so.. we went to coles... I was getting hungry..coz it's nearly lunch time and I haven't eaten a single bite yet.. which made me grumpier... and that friggin cashier dude was so effing slooooow. The lady before us didn't buy much..but it took him 20 FUCKING MINUTES scanning the lady's stuff. Do you know how hard it is to stop myself from doing something...un-lady like? lol D'X Gah I so wanted to say to him.. "Hey Mr. Fucking Slowpoke, you just made my day more miserable than it already is. Fuck you and thanks." I would've told him that if my mum wasn't there. ;A; grrr

So anyway... as if the day couldn't get any worse... after going to the zoo..we went to Woody Point to eat.. Don't get me wrong here.. Woody Point was amazing. It was near the beach and it was breezy.. I like it there...so calming.. but the fact that..my day was extremely bad and I'm totally gloomy...then suddenly, poof.. good stuff.. annoyed me. Like..hey.. wtf was that? Are you trying to bullshit me? ;A; Although at the end of the day.. I felt good...we had some mini photoshoot with my grandma camwhoring everywhere. It was just too hilarious. I didn't know she had it in her... I swear she's got Facebook..knowing all those...teenage poses. XDDDD 8D And after that..we went home.. arrived around 6-7pm and slept till 11pm.. woke up to read Totally Captivated again.. 8D slept at around 5am AGAIN.

Today is better tho.. lol I did nothing so I was able to sleep in the afternoon. 8'D haha well...we went to Mt. Ommaney. I was able to force my mum to buy me a book called Lolita by Vladimir Nobokov. I'd be surprised if you don't know that book. I bought the cheap penguin pocket book tho.. XD coz it's the only version available there ;A;. Oh my grandma bought a $3 lipstick at some pharmacy.. LOL 8D then I saw a black one..and begged her to buy it for me XD Which she tried on when we got home. HAHAHA god she looked so creepy >_> I told her that by the way..she removed it right after tho. XD I should've taken a photo.. and showed it to my lil sis..who'll probably get scarred for life...

Anyway...I've got too much art ideas popping here and there...in fact...some fanfiction plot bunnies too..ffuuu.... yay for inspiration...nay for procrastination.. Not to mention I have to study next week for exams... finals coming up on the first two weeks of November..and after that..I'M FREE...

.....to procrastinate again. >_> Okay maybe not procrastinate....maybe...sleep? That's doing something, right? >D

Which reminds me..I have to finish the art stuff I've got from Gaia. ;A;
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...
...

OMG I REMEMBERED SOMETHING.

I was riding the bus to uni some days ago.. and saw this TOTALLY FUCKING SIZZLING HOT DUDE (and that's still a friggin understatement)..who's got...Reno's hair.. (Final Fantasy plz) I'm not joking about the hair. It really looks like Reno's, tho the dude's hair is braided. LOL...still...so hooooooot *drools* I couldn't stop stariiiiiiiing (for an hour) ...I'm not joking when I say I nearly drooled. XDDD Gross but..yeah 8D

;A; Anyway..I think he noticed I was staring at him coz he kept glancing at my way... ;A; Sorry HAWT LONG-HAIRED DUDE. He's just hotter than your motherfucking molten lava. His body's like sculpted by the Goddess of Yaoi (lol blame MSN RC) from your most expensive marble. Like a real life hottest yaoi manga character.. LOL

I couldn't get off my mind the thought that..he's got a boyfriend you know... you don't normally see extremely hot guys like that with long hair.. I'd be more than happy if his boyfriend's cute tho 8D *SHOT FOR LIFE*

I remember stopping myself from squealing and asking for his photo.. XDDD *stalker insticts* I couldn't take it with my camera phone since....even if I switched it to silent mode.. you can still hear it. *woe*

WHAT'S SAD IS THAT...he was actually about to sit down next to me on the bus when the lady who was beside me got off.. but..some other guy grabbed the seat from him. ;A; I'm serious. (AND LOL darn he looked pissed too coz he was standing for more than half an hour on the bus already..bus was packed XD..surprising coz it was in the afternoon..)

I badly wanted to tell the guy beside me then... "HEY FUGLY DUDE. LET THE HOT GUY SEAT BESIDE MEH PLZ. And then I can die happy. 8D" X'DDDDD

I think he's in uni... hopefully same as mine 8D *shot* coz I saw his concession go card when he was getting off at Queen Street X'DDD ME AND MY STALKER TENDENCIES. Or maybe he was just going to meet his boyfriend.. *shot, skinned, and thrown into the Han river* XD


I wish I could see him again ;A;

*le sob*..b..bye? *sniff*